He Wants His New Girlfriend to do Visitation Drop-Offs

My son’s escort recently floated the idea that once the protective order has expired, my ex would prefer that his girlfriend do visitation drop offs. I was stunned, so I asked why. The response I got was “He doesn’t feel ready to see and interact with you yet.”

As you can image, I wasn’t too thrilled. I don’t know this woman, nor do I know if she is just another flavor of the week. My worse nightmare is that a string of women might be doing this chore, and my poor son will be confused.

Going to court over this new development would be a waste of time and money. A judge might view my request as petty and jealous. So, I’m sort of stuck.

Does anyone have advice? Have you been in this situation before? How have you handled it?

The Case Against Home Cooked Meals From A Single Mom

Yesterday I confessed my guilt that I could only manage one home cooked meal a week. In the good old days, my working mother came home to cook almost every night. My mother responded, “Well, you should make more of an effort because it builds memories.” But the memories I remember was the act of sitting together as a family, not necessarily the cordon blu we were eating.

Studies show that the act of sitting down to a meal with your children is MORE important than making a brilliant meal from scratch.

So with that in mind, all the single moms should release the pressure of making daily home cooked meals if you’re stretched to the limit and instead focus on healthy meals and spending time with you kids.

“Oh, I Think That I Found Myself A Cheerleader” Is My WTF Moment

Cheerleader. It has a catchy beat for sure. I often find myself tapping my thumbs on my steering wheel while listening to it on the radio.

But then I pause to consider the message. For some reason, it feels particularly heinous- a subtle form of narcissistic misogyny that instructs girls and women that they are tools or pawns to the ego of the man singing: If she knows her role, knows her place and remains subservient and responds to his every whim, she will be granted the ultimate reward- a ring.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking: Penny, what about all the rap songs about “hoes,” “bitches,” “sluts,” etc.?

Those messages are also insidious and overt “status” symbolism for the men rapping. They are usually sexually and physically degrading on their face. But rarely do these types of songs take the time they pinpoint and exploit the insecurities of young women in such a psychological fashion. Reading the lyrics really made me ponder the ridiculousness of this man’s message in 2015.

What do I mean by this? Consider the “Cheerleader” lyrics:

When I need motivation
My one solution is my queen
‘Cause she stay strong (Yeah yeah)-
She is always in my corner
Right there when I want her
All these other girls are tempting
But I’m empty when you’re gone
And they say

Do you need me?
Do you think I’m pretty?
Do I make you feel like cheating?
And I’m like no, not really cause

(Okay, so she’s strong because she knows about all these other women tempting him, but yet stays in his corner and plays her role to prop up his ego. Also notice the little insecurities of all the devious other women trying to get him to cheat. Apparently, he’s got to bat these women off with a stick!)

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader
She is always right there when I need her

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader
She is always right there when I need her

(She’s his cheerleader, building his ego, in her role and in her place.)

She walks like a model
She grants my wishes like a genie in a bottle (Yeah yeah)

(Objectifying, subservience and immediate response to his needs when he summons her).

‘Cause I’m the wizard of love
And I got the magic wand
All these other girls are tempting
But I’m empty when you’re gone
And they say

(So he’s so amazing in bed metaphorically and beyond, and although he’s thought about cheating enough to notice other women being “tempting,” he’s steadfast in his loyalty because she is there to fulfill his needs.)

Do you need me?
Do you think I’m pretty?
Do I make you feel like cheating?
And I’m like no, not really cause

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader
She is always right there when I need her

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader
She is always right there when I need her

She gives me love and affection
Baby did I mention, you’re the only girl for me
No I don’t need a next one
Mama loves you too, she thinks I made the right selection
Now all that’s left to do
Is just for me to pop the question

(Again, it’s a transaction. It’s what SHE can do for HIM. I mean, she is his cheerleader after all. Where’s the love? Just because she fulfills his immediate needs, that does not a marriage make).

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader
She is always right there when I need her

I’ll take the risk of sounding like a feminist. Hell, it’s in my bio so I’m going to embrace it. It would take years to analyze the misogyny of songs and the same degree in which women objectify men in their songs, so it’s an impossible task to do a comparison of one song to another.
My only purpose is realizing that this catchy, up-beat song that I find myself singing along with was my WTF moment as I paused to consider the message.
I think I’ll stick to simple, sappy love songs for awhile…

My Dad’s (Not So) Helpful, Stone Aged Dating Advice

Copyright 2015 Mumz the Word...

Copyright 2015 Mumz the Word…

During my weekly chat with my father, we somehow broached the topic of dating in this day-in-age. His “wisdom” never ceases to amaze me. He reminded me that I was nearing 30 and that studies show that the longer-in-the-tooth women are, combined with higher education, a career and a little one, the dating pool is narrowing by the day.

He offered some fun, little tid bits of “advice” cloaked in pseudo-scientific research:

  1. Studies show fewer men prefer marrying women with higher degrees and careers, much less women with higher degrees, careers AND a child from a previous relationship.
  2. Even when a woman is childless, her age narrows the dating pool because men tend to prefer younger women at the biological peak of their child bearing years.
  3. Women should resign themselves to having more children, even when they don’t want more, because biologically speaking, men don’t like to raise other men’s children unless they also have one of their own.
  4. Men as hunters, prefer being the breadwinners and feel threatened when their wife makes more which can cause marital problems (totally hypocritical since my mom was the breadwinner in their marriage).
  5. Divorce rates are astronomical, and with all the online dating apps around, men have greater opportunities to stray (ummmm….what about women? Don’t they have the same opportunities to stray?)

Sorry dad, I love you, but this patriarchal thought process does nothing for women empowerment, nor speaks to the modern woman.

How about this: A stable, loving relationship with a man is a NICE TO HAVE and not necessary for my well-being, drive or sense of accomplishment. I’d rather take my time, even if it means it will take years, than settle for a man less than what I deserve. The “old maid” and “cat lady” stereotypes no longer apply when you know who you are, what you want and how to get it.

Ladies, never let this type of silly rhetoric scare you from finding the right guy or settling with a jerk off just so you have a pretty ring on your finger.

If my mother had anything to say about it, who held out and married at 34, she’d tell him it’s hogwash.

Right on mom.

Parents’ Irregular Work Hours Psychologically Affect Kids

A new study from the Economic Policy Institute is looking at how social class characteristics effect children’s development and achievement to suggest policy changes — found that kids of all ages can suffer fallout when parents are called in for erratic work hours.

For toddlers, that can mean hampered sensory perception, learning and problem-solving skills, and verbal communication.

Young teenagers, meanwhile, are more prone to depression and risky behaviors, such as smoking or drinking, when parents work at night.

The biggest takeaway from the findings is that policy changes and new laws are needed to prevent employers from disregarding the scheduling needs of their workers, especially those who are parents. “Employers should avoid these practices,” Eisenbrey stresses. “When you change a schedule without notice, childcare plans get disrupted or are impossible to even make, especially when it comes to high quality care, which requires regular drop-off and pickup times.”

Doesn’t seem like Amazon would care about this study too much…

Who’s The Flake?

I’ve been seeing a guy I used to date four years ago. Let’s call him Repeat. I broke up with Repeatrepeat in 2011 because I couldn’t see anything long term. We literally had only one thing in common *wink*. He loves watching sports- I’d rather have a root canal. He loves to travel- the idea of jet setting 24/7 makes me queasy. I like to read, write and express myself- he hasn’t read a book since it was mandatory in college.

The point is, we both agreed we’ll never be serious. Quite frankly, I have no time to have anything other than fun until I graduate my masters program.

Last weekend, we had a good time at a wine bar, which led to the inevitable. Repeat promptly asked for a follow-up date for this weekend. I agreed. He had to babysit his brother’s kids on Saturday night, so I offered to come over with board games and keep him company after the kiddos scampered off to bed.

So, last Friday came and went. No text or phone call. That’s okay, I reasoned. We already had plans, right? Saturday in class, not one text to confirm plans. So, I did what I almost never do- tried to confirm via text. He skirted the issue and mentioned he was at a baseball game that would end at 10pm.

To me, that sounded like a flake move. I resolved to make other plans with friends. At 11pm, I received this message:

“Hey, I finished up a little late here. Still down to come over?”

Doesn’t that sound like a booty call? It did to me, so I didn’t respond.

So, my fellow bloggers- Who’s the flake?