5 Single Mom Myths

mythFrom the dregs of the Internet plus some stereotypes I learned pre-pregnancy, I shall attempt to debunk some popular single mom myths.

1.) Single moms are desperate to find a new “daddy” for junior.

False. In fact the opposite is true. Single moms are incredibly careful in love and harder to win over. We have learned the most valuable life hack of all- love is imperfect and fallible. If we date, we choose to do so with someone who has patience and a life of their own. Clingers and hang-ons need not apply. Since we are a fiercely independent breed, don’t assume we want to introduce our kids after a night of passion. We have learned that commitment is a responsibility, especially where our kids are concerned, so we see a date as a good time and sex as…just sex. Some men target single mothers because they think we are “easy.” Just because we’ve had a kid doesn’t mean we’re easy. An unattached, single gal from the bar is much easier prey. We just don’t have time for that “game” shit.

2.) Single moms are welfare junkies.

False. In every broken and overwhelmed system, there are abusers. I do not condone an able-body woman living off the system just because she’s too lazy to work. However, if you’ve been living under a rock for the past 10 years, single mothers are on the rise and women in general are breadwinners. Whether due to divorce, widowed, by accident or a single mom by choice, we overcompensate to stay successful because we have 50% less help than our married counterparts. On top of it all, we are master multi-taskers and have a supernatural ability to do more with less. I am a single mom and I make over double what my ex makes in take-home pay. The only support I get is in the form of a mandated government check for Andrew, not so that I can go get my nails done (Re: Top 10 Single Mom Myths)

3.) Single moms are uneducated.

False. I’m pursuing a Master’s with several other certifications under my belt from an Ivy League institution. Read up on Katie Couric, Barbara Walters, Judge Judy (before her second marriage), J.K. Rowling, and Erin Brockovich. BOOM. Mind blown.

4.) Single moms have a lack of judgement.

False. This one I struggle with because in most states in the U.S. women have a choice. I made a deliberate choice. My judgement was fully intact when I made a life-altering decision. There is no substitute for experience, however I KNEW it was going to be hard. My biggest argument against this stereotype is that in traditional society, no one intentionally enters a marriage to get a divorce (at least I hope not…they might have bigger problems if they do). People get married and have kids on the assumption that things will work out, that they will stay in love. If circumstances leave you as a single mom, you might have to do the normal grieving of a divorce, but that isn’t a slight to your judgement. As long as you entered into the relationship or chose to be a single mom with GOOD intentions, your judgement wasn’t/isn’t impaired. That’s how the cookie crumbled. That’s the cards you were dealt. Shit happens. That’s just life!

5.) Single moms have a harder time dating.

False and True. I’ll let that one simmer. Dating in ANY circumstance is tough. But I will tell you, I don’t have any issues finding a man. What I have issues with is entering into a long term relationship. There’s just not enough of me to go around. I’m a bit of a hold-out though. I want a man that surpasses my expectations because that’s the man I will marry. Now that I am a single mom, my schedule is always full and I need to be a little more creative. I also have to be pickier. I can’t settle for less  because I’m not operating on free-spirited whimsy anymore. I’ve got adult responsibilities and a ton of things to accomplish. I’d like to think this signifies personal growth. Being a single mom has made that all possible.

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3 thoughts on “5 Single Mom Myths

  1. makupsy says:

    I loved this post!
    I was actually thinking about it the other day that if you look closely you realise that most single mums have done and continue to do brilliant jobs raising their children. For some reason I feel that God gives single mums extra blessings to make up for the absent father.
    I have met some interesting guys this year on the dating front, you should read this post when you have time. http://makupsy.wordpress.com/2014/07/29/dating-in-2014-2/

    Like

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