What a Childless Christmas Looks Like For A Single Mom

1.) 10:00am: Wake up when I damn please. No crying, just silence. The amazing Christmas gift of silence.

2.) 10:30am: Grab a lazy cup of coffee. Hell, it’s Christmas so add the gingerbread creamer.

3.) 10:45am: Begin flipping through channels and catching up on Serial episodes. Did Adnan really kill his ex?!

4.) 11:30am: Suit up for a completely desolate gym experience. I don’t even need head phones. I play my music on BLAST!

5.) 12:45pm: Take a long, luxurious shower and SHAVE. I have time to shave? Yes, yes I believe I do.

6.) 1:45pm: Meet the parents for a Chinese dine-in lunch. Hoard all the moo-shu.

7.) 3:00pm: Mosey to the movie theater to see “Unbroken” with my parents. Cry a little. It’s a good cry.

8.) 6:00pm: Trek back to the apartment without beltway traffic. Nothing but open road and wind blowing my hair.

9.) 7:30pm: Do some light cleaning in my PJs. I finally have time to sweep the cheerios from the counter crevices and disinfect the diaper pail. EW.

10.) 8:00pm: Take a nice, leisurely walk with the dog sans annoying, automated toys, stroller, and baby crumbs. Wow, I forgot how walking is a nice, leisurely experience.

11.) 8:30pm: Exfoliate. Cut my toenail talons. Paint said talons. Moisturize.Tweeze. Re-shave the hairy patches on the back of my legs.

12.) 9:30pm: Cuddle with some limited edition, eggnog ice cream. Cue yule log television imagery.

13.) 9:45pm: Catch up on my latest novel. Oh no, he cheated on her again? That asshole!

14.) 11:00pm: Fall into uninterrupted and unencumbered deep sleep.



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