What I Will And Won’t Do/Say To The Future Step Mom

evilstep momThere will come a day when Andrew brings home a new toy from his weekend visitation. He will proclaim loudly that Natasha/Emily/Brittney/Amanda/Cruella (okay, that one is my favorite, for comedic affect of course) gave it to him.

“Who is that?”

“Dad’s new girlfriend,” he will say as a matter-of-fact.


Then there will come the day when I am asked to switch visitation weekends to accommodate my ex’s wedding day. Of course, I WILL accommodate that.

What I Will Do/Say To The Future Step Mom:

  • I WILL treat you like a human being.
  • I WILL respect that you are an important part of Andrew’s development and support network.
  • I WILL be cordial.
  • I WILL set reasonable boundaries on parenting and communication.
  • I WILL send you holiday and birthday cards.
  • I WILL support it when Andrew draws you as part of the family unit in art class.
  • I WILL inform you of life events.
  • I WILL release any jealousy on your special connection with my son.
  • I WILL include you in conversations with my son.
  • I WILL be kind to you.
  • I WILL disagree on some of your parenting choices and ask that you butt-out on others.
  • I WILL let you pick-up Andrew from daycare/events/etc.

What I Will Not Do/Say To The Future Step Mom:

  • I WILL NOT go to your wedding (in the unlikely event I’m invited). Stranger things have happened.
  • I WILL NOT talk poorly of you to my ex.
  • I WILL NOT try and get back together with my ex (you can cash this statement at the bank and I promise the check won’t bounce).
  • I WILL NOT play “who is the better mommy?” games.
  • I WILL NOT approve of all your parenting decisions, but I WILL discuss that with my ex as emotionless as possible.
  • I WILL NOT ignore you.
  • I WILL NOT share Mother’s Day. Sorry. Non-negotiable.
  • I WILL NOT always like you. That’s just the world we live in.
  • I WILL NOT talk about your marital problems, take sides or butt into your relationship with my ex.
  • I WILL NOT fight with you in the presence of my son or anywhere else.
  • I WILL NOT profess I know everything about parenting. If you have advice, I WILL listen. Although, don’t be offended if I don’t take the advice.
  • I WILL NOT keep you out of the loop if it makes sense that you should know about a decision I’ve made.
  • I WILL NOT bash my ex to you.
  • I WILL NOT undermine your parenting while Andrew is with you, unless it’s unreasonable, but that’s a conversation I WILL have with his dad.

9 thoughts on “What I Will And Won’t Do/Say To The Future Step Mom

  1. Matt says:

    Wise. Mature. Thoughtful.

    Good reminder for all of us who will one day deal with our ex-spouses introducing a new parental figure into our children’s lives.

    I like your list very much, just in a gender-reversal sort of way.


  2. jesschapman4 says:

    I loved your lists. I really needed to read this today. I just met my ex-husband’s girlfriend who now lives with him. I was nice and polite, but reading your lists made me feel a lot better and put things into a different light. I know it will be a long journey and who knows if they will even get married, but still, you’re right. She is someone who is in my children’s lives and I need to just know that communication with her regarding the boys is equally important. Thanks for the great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. aryacenaxoxo says:

    You know, I am a step-mom and I think all of these are very reasonable. Seeing it from this point of view is nice. But, also hard for me since my son’s real mom is….a word I wont say. Lets just say not very nice to anyone else but herself :/


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