I just got off the phone with an annoyed grandparent: my mother. It solidifies my belief that you can’t make everyone happy- just do the best you can.
Andrew has been battling a cold for a week which has evolved to a harsh, bronchial cough. I just spent all of my vacation days for the holidays. I can’t take off work early to organize a doctor’s appointment.
I sent my ex’s brother an email advising him to take Andrew to urgent care this afternoon or early tomorrow morning.
Silly me, I told my hovering mother. She had 99 reasons why I should deny visitation this weekend over Andrew’s cold. If Andrew doesn’t have a fever, then why shouldn’t his dad take him to an urgent care? If he’s well enough to be at daycare (and he is) then my belief is that his dad should rise to the occasion. Do some of the “hard parts” of parenting.
My mother’s response: “Well, if he had a fever than I’d object to this weekend’s visitation.”
My response: “You can’t object. It’s my decision either way.”
She didn’t take my retort so kindly.
I refuse to suffer under “mother guilt” over this one. Whenever Andrew comes back from his dad’s house, he’s a happy baby. There really isn’t a question in my mind whether Andrew is receiving appropriate care. My ex was a shitty partner, but that doesn’t necessarily make him a shitty dad.
My ex is a man in his 30’s. He has a job, a car and pays his bills. His strength may not be relationships, however I don’t think mothers have the RIGHT to deny visitation because the kid has a cold. Of course, if Andrew had the flu or some other serious illness, this would be a completely different story. But kids get sick. A lot.
A parent isn’t parenting if he/she isn’t allowed to make “best interest” decisions for his/her child.
Co-parenting mothers need to know when to step out and let their child’s father step into a parenting role.
If I rob my ex from this, how will he gain the necessary experience when an actual emergency presents? To be a good mother, I have to release the reigns a bit.
I’m not Super Mom. My ex isn’t Super Dad. But together, I think we can be super parents.