In the words of one of my few male friends:
“Maybe you should stop trying to be Carrie Bradshaw, dating losers just so you can blog about it.”
Point well taken.
It’s kind of true. I rely on online dating because I’m not approachable in person. In fact, I give that LEAVE ME ALONE (Re: Chronic Bitch Face) vibe almost daily. I’ve been accustomed to slithery, slimy or lecherous advances, so I put up my bitch face, self-defense mechanism before I walk out the door.
Do people really meet out anymore? All of my friends met their significant someones on Tinder, Zoosk, POF, OKCupid, Match, etc. Some started as a hook-up, while others were as serious as a dating contract from the beginning.
My issue has always been my weird/fuzzy attraction to losers. Some of the common themes of Loserville (which really require further examination of myself):
1.) AAA: Aggression/Anger/Addiction
My dad was such a straight-arrow. A mild-mannered kind of guy. So why is this #1 on the list?! I have zero “daddy issues” to speak of. To my credit, the last boyfriend I dumped, I did so at the first sign of unnecessary/unfounded anger and aggression. I’m getting better…I think.
I’m not knocking blue collar- it seems like I’m attracted to it. I’m a pretty educated woman with a resume that includes Ivy League training, so what’s the commonality? I like to think you can be educated in hard knocks with interest in the world around you without going to college. I’ve met some pretty intellectual guys who dropped out of college. But 80% did turn out to be from the City of No Ambition, Loserville.
3.) Tall, Built Physique and Self-Involved.
Okay what woman doesn’t like to feel feminine? I’m pretty tall (5″8), so it’s nice to have some height so that I don’t have to worry about towering over my dates. Most of the really built, tall guys are a little bit more vapid (too gym-hungry) than I should settle for. But I also believe that physical attraction is a must for the long haul.
4.) Misdemeanor Rap-Sheet.
They’ve got that bad-boy edge I’ve been searching for and a rap-sheet to prove it. I like a little mystique to my dates, but this seems to royally fuck me over. Drunk in public. DUIs. Possession. They all should be flagged for Loserville. Silly me, I think I’m “different,” and they can change. I’m the rule, not the exception.
5.) Somewhat Attached.
Ugh I could write a novella on the pit falls of dating separated or newly divorced guys. Clearly I like getting close, but not too close. I love the autonomy you have with a separated/newly divorced guy. They don’t rush things. They give you plenty of space. There’s less jealousy. But all road signs still point to the City of I’m-Still-Not-Over-Her, Loserville.
Cue a blog post on commitment issues.