My Online Dating Profile Is Kind of B*tchy

dating imageI have this 80/20 rule with my online dating profile. My intention is to repel the 80 percent of men who want a waif and attract the 20 percent that can handle my brassy demeanor.

I also don’t advertise that I’m a single mom. Before cry foul and fraud, let me tell you that I DO tell prospective dates I have a child on two conditions:

a.) they answer “yes” to the question of “Would you date someone with children from a previous relationship?”

b.) when they actually message me.

I feel like single mothers are put into the dating bottom of the barrel or are seen as easy “prey.” When I mentioned I had a kid in my profile, I got some REAL creepers and chauvinists. As soon as I took it out, it was like the dating gods welcomed me with more normal prospects (however, the creeps still fall between the cracks).

To give you an example of my bitchy profile, (verbatim) I can tell you it has piqued more suitors than repelled because my message inbox is at 98 percent even when I delete messages:

You should NOT message me if:

1.) You’re an alpha, sugar daddy, alcoholic, rage-o-holic, or PUA. Trying to evade detection is futile- I will know. Creepers with overly sexual profile names need not apply and an equally creepy opener will get a non-response.

2.) Your first message asks if I’m real.

3.) You’re a guy who posts inebriated or belligerent pictures that scream “Duuuuuuddde, that was an awesome night!” I’m sorry I even have to address this, but alas, it happens. Oh and wear a g*ddamn shirt and/or include your face in pictures. While we’re at it, don’t post a picture of you next to your ex girlfriend or an escort masquerading as your ex girlfriend.

Kind of bitchy, right? Exactly. I am giving my potential dates a lens into what they might be getting themselves into while telling them that I know about a few tricks in their book.

If I sound outlandish and demanding, then that’s what I’m going for. I need a man with a pair of brass balls and a sense of humor anyway. Intelligence to decipher my satire is also a must. Being tall is a bonus.

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5 thoughts on “My Online Dating Profile Is Kind of B*tchy

  1. snakesinthegrass2014 says:

    It didn’t take long for me to discern that those women with the longest profiles were the ones who had experienced some really bad creeps. It didn’t change whether I actually contacted them or not, but I was mindful that I was potentially meeting someone who had met some of the more outlandish of my bachelor brethren.

    Really, my strongest criteria was that they could correct the most obvious grammar errors in their profiles. An errant misspelled word or two was fine, but it was really a turnoff to see an entire profile filled with them. Well, that and profile pictures with sunglasses on.

    Keep the faith!

    Liked by 1 person

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