6 Reasons To Hate The Dreaded Coffee Date

I have a date planned with the “child-friendly” guy. Let’s call him Pete. He has proposed a coffee date on Friday night. I HATE coffee dates. I repeat, HATE coffee dates. Here are some really (honest) reasons why:

1.) They require no imagination. Starbucks is literally on every corner.

2.) Coffee is a natural laxative. I don’t need to be running into the bathroom every five minutes to take a dump on my date. I could go with tea but I don’t really like the taste.

3.) Coffee breath. If he leans in after he walks you to your car without a breath mint, the kiss is ruined/gross.

4.) It’s cheap! Kind of communicates, eh well I don’t want to take any risks, so here’s a $5 cup of joe.

5.) It’s too busy. There’s always a line of patrons shouting their orders or waiting uncomfortably by your table to pick up their java. Or you may not even get a seat.

6.) It reeks of stale brewed coffee. Not very romantic.

I suggested a lounge or cute cafe as an alternative. Let’s see what we come up with…more to come.



7 thoughts on “6 Reasons To Hate The Dreaded Coffee Date

  1. snakesinthegrass2014 says:

    I still cringe at the remembrance of my first online coffee date. It was my suggestion, my initiation, and my choice of the place. Yet, I allowed her to pay for her own coffee.

    We sat outside at a table and she never removed her sunglasses. Our talk was stilted. We parted ways in less than 30 minutes. I was irked by the sunglasses and her monosyllabic responses to my questions. I thought her extremely rude.

    I complained the following Monday to a female co-worker. When my co-worker pointed out that it might have been a better idea if I had PAID for the woman’s coffee, since it still was in fact a DATE, perhaps that she would have (a) taken off her sunglasses, and (b) spoken to me in a more animated way. I realized she was right. But to me it wasn’t a date — it was merely a coffee meet-up. I was wrong — it was date.

    My subsequent manners improved. But I too came to hate the coffee dates. They are tailor-made for the quick scram (of which I have to give a full disclosure that I did that myself on a few occasions).

    You are wise to seek other venues. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. betternotbroken says:

    Only 6? Is it really even a date? I thought it was a screening to see how big of discrepancy there is between the photos online and real life. Why not just meet at a park bench in the park like cold war era agents? It is cheaper. I suppose it beats the police station.

    Liked by 1 person

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