I hope the office karma gods don’t punish me, but there is a lady I can’t stand who is positioned diagonal to my office. She makes me want to stomp off in a huff with my laptop and purse at least once a day because she:
1.) Has the pitch and tone of a castrated macaw. A New York, castrated macaw. If you don’t know what a New York castrated macaw sounds like, picture a very high-pitched, yet guttural, Fran Drescher with feathers.
2.) Berates any staff member who has the misfortune of sitting through a one-on-one meeting. When I say berate, I also mean she talks to said individual like a five year old, micro-managing every stupid, worthless report they must generate.
3.) Leaves her door wide open when discussing personnel issues and gossip. Like a mean girl.
4.) Her chronic bitch face is a frozen, tight-lipped scowl, as if she was judging your existence or reason for breathing.
5.) Her hair is shaped like a helmet. It offends me.
6.) She talks to me like I’m a glorified secretary or a piece of furniture. I DON’T work for her.
7.) She doesn’t know her job. At all. She questions everything like a willfully ignorant dolt.
8.) Her grand kids are always visiting. They are loud. She still leaves her door wide open.
9.) She blasts her conference calls with the door wide open. Again.
10.) She’s always on Yahoo, CNN or AOL and gives me the stink eye if she passes my office and sees me checking the weather.