I’m Not A Checklist

I was chatting with a guy that seemed to have a promising personality- a gentleman and interesting. We escalated to WhatsApp within a week and found shared interests. Soon, he asked me out for Friday, but not before sizing up. In rapid-fire style, this guy asked me the following questions:

1.) Do you have higher education?

My answer: Yes, I’m in grad school.

His answer: Good. I’m Yale ’03 and Harvard Business School ’13.

2.) What’s you background?

My answer: WASP-y father and Jewish mother.

His Answer: Good. Jewish on both sides.

3.) Do you want more children?

My answer: Too soon to tell.

His answer: I’m not trying to chase shiny objects on the lawn. I mean, I do want children.

My answer: Well we haven’t even gone out yet!

His answer: I like to cover things ASAP. I find that many people don’t like late disclosure of things known all along.

I refused to answer this question. The honest truth is that I don’t know, it depends. But my main point is why even date and get to know someone romantically if you are going through a list? There are TOO many variables that may change my mind or actions in the future. My current life’s path isn’t solely defined by my future life’s path- it may change. I respect that he wants biological children, however I’m just trying to get through the days as a good parent with the one I have. Also, this is a better question asked in person.

I don’t want to waste anyone’s time either, but people rarely find a partner based on a check list because a person’s character shouldn’t be defined by a set of “asks.” Unless he wants to get married tomorrow (which there are plenty of girls out there who want that) I advised him to take things slow. Dating is a risk of your time, effort and resources. If you’re not willing to take the risk, then don’t date! I have practically no time or resources to date, but I take a risk every time I do. In my mind, so should the guy who is interested.

Any thoughts?

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12 thoughts on “I’m Not A Checklist

  1. erika says:

    I think when you’re just dating casually, there shouldn’t be a list.

    THAT said. I totally have a list. And when I meet someone, I automatically start going down it to see what the potential might be.

    I’m experiencing the other side of this at the moment as the boy that I like is debating whether or not to see me again because I’m not Catholic… a very serious item on his list!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. tojesmula says:

    I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have a list – by a certain age, we all have a sense of our greatest dealbreakers and may as well get those out of the way before we get too emotionally invested in a new relationship. However, that being said, this guy’s approach is terrible and all about himself. I cringed at him responding “Good” to your answers, like you got the answer right and won the special privilege of his approval. Seems to me your gut is telling you this doesn’t feel right and I’m inclined to agree.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 333smp says:

    I totally understand people having a list. BUT I think there has to be some flexibility in the beginning. Who knows what could be in store? Idk… Maybe I’m contradicting myself. Here’s my example: I’m a Catholic and would want to be with a Catholic in the future. However- since I’m not God I’m open to whoever He could put in my path. What if I meet an amazing Methodist, who would be great for me and my children? What then? What if there is a Catholic who is a total schmuck and just says he’s Catholic but doesn’t live it? I’d certainly rather be with an awesome person of another faith then a total loser just because he says he’s Catholic. So I guess I’m saying…. Lists are great to have but we don’t always get everything on our lists… so this guy should have some fun and be open to what life brings! Sorry if this made no sense. Best of luck with this one. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. dotcamomblog says:

    I have to agreed with the guy.

    He is right when he told you: I find that many people don’t like late disclosure of things known all along.

    So romance really causes mental problems when you can’t ask and get confirmed up front, at the start, deal breakers. For this guy, he wants to have kids of his own bloodline. To me, I respect that as a deal breaker and I would answer it because it is pretty important because of being a deal breaker.

    🙂

    Like

    • dotcamomblog says:

      I have to *agree* with the guy.

      He is right when he told you: I find that many people don’t like late disclosure of things known all along.

      So romance really causes mental problems when you can’t ask and get confirmed up front, at the start, deal breakers. For this guy, he wants to have kids of his own bloodline. To me, I respect that as a deal breaker and I would answer it because it is pretty important because of being a deal breaker.

      😀

      Like

  5. dotcamomblog says:

    I prefer this guy’s approach because I’ve experienced non-committal answers to questions about wants and goals that were important to me.

    You might not think that going with a list to a prospective person to date is necessary. But I would rather do the job interview approach than waste my time that I can’t recover.

    Also, most of the world’s societies do the job interview approach because everyone understands that no one likes their time wasted.

    Or look at this guy’s list as him being pretty honest about who he is, what he wants, what he’s willing to give. His checklist is him being transparent. Think about that.

    So I prefer this guy than, let’s say, a guy who would crap on me for asking questions at the start of our dating about goals, and if he wants the same things in life.

    Whenever a guy wouldn’t be up front with me, I would back away. Or my time is precious. Also people get sick, get sick with cancer, and people die young and at any age. So I didn’t want to be having mental problems and disappointments with a guy who I was dating because he had months later disclosed to me that he didn’t want to get married, have kids, and so on.

    I know a 32 year lady who has stage 4 cancer right now. So life can be cut very short at any time. So look at the job interview approach as being honest about his wants and goals, and as respectful of both people’s time.

    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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