For All the Single Moms Out There

So inspirational and candid! I had a VERY similar OMGosh moment when I found out I was pregnant.

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“Oh, I Think That I Found Myself A Cheerleader” Is My WTF Moment

Cheerleader. It has a catchy beat for sure. I often find myself tapping my thumbs on my steering wheel while listening to it on the radio.

But then I pause to consider the message. For some reason, it feels particularly heinous- a subtle form of narcissistic misogyny that instructs girls and women that they are tools or pawns to the ego of the man singing: If she knows her role, knows her place and remains subservient and responds to his every whim, she will be granted the ultimate reward- a ring.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking: Penny, what about all the rap songs about “hoes,” “bitches,” “sluts,” etc.?

Those messages are also insidious and overt “status” symbolism for the men rapping. They are usually sexually and physically degrading on their face. But rarely do these types of songs take the time they pinpoint and exploit the insecurities of young women in such a psychological fashion. Reading the lyrics really made me ponder the ridiculousness of this man’s message in 2015.

What do I mean by this? Consider the “Cheerleader” lyrics:

When I need motivation
My one solution is my queen
‘Cause she stay strong (Yeah yeah)-
She is always in my corner
Right there when I want her
All these other girls are tempting
But I’m empty when you’re gone
And they say

Do you need me?
Do you think I’m pretty?
Do I make you feel like cheating?
And I’m like no, not really cause

(Okay, so she’s strong because she knows about all these other women tempting him, but yet stays in his corner and plays her role to prop up his ego. Also notice the little insecurities of all the devious other women trying to get him to cheat. Apparently, he’s got to bat these women off with a stick!)

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader
She is always right there when I need her

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader
She is always right there when I need her

(She’s his cheerleader, building his ego, in her role and in her place.)

She walks like a model
She grants my wishes like a genie in a bottle (Yeah yeah)

(Objectifying, subservience and immediate response to his needs when he summons her).

‘Cause I’m the wizard of love
And I got the magic wand
All these other girls are tempting
But I’m empty when you’re gone
And they say

(So he’s so amazing in bed metaphorically and beyond, and although he’s thought about cheating enough to notice other women being “tempting,” he’s steadfast in his loyalty because she is there to fulfill his needs.)

Do you need me?
Do you think I’m pretty?
Do I make you feel like cheating?
And I’m like no, not really cause

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader
She is always right there when I need her

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader
She is always right there when I need her

She gives me love and affection
Baby did I mention, you’re the only girl for me
No I don’t need a next one
Mama loves you too, she thinks I made the right selection
Now all that’s left to do
Is just for me to pop the question

(Again, it’s a transaction. It’s what SHE can do for HIM. I mean, she is his cheerleader after all. Where’s the love? Just because she fulfills his immediate needs, that does not a marriage make).

Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader
She is always right there when I need her

I’ll take the risk of sounding like a feminist. Hell, it’s in my bio so I’m going to embrace it. It would take years to analyze the misogyny of songs and the same degree in which women objectify men in their songs, so it’s an impossible task to do a comparison of one song to another.
My only purpose is realizing that this catchy, up-beat song that I find myself singing along with was my WTF moment as I paused to consider the message.
I think I’ll stick to simple, sappy love songs for awhile…

My Dad’s (Not So) Helpful, Stone Aged Dating Advice

Copyright 2015 Mumz the Word...

Copyright 2015 Mumz the Word…

During my weekly chat with my father, we somehow broached the topic of dating in this day-in-age. His “wisdom” never ceases to amaze me. He reminded me that I was nearing 30 and that studies show that the longer-in-the-tooth women are, combined with higher education, a career and a little one, the dating pool is narrowing by the day.

He offered some fun, little tid bits of “advice” cloaked in pseudo-scientific research:

  1. Studies show fewer men prefer marrying women with higher degrees and careers, much less women with higher degrees, careers AND a child from a previous relationship.
  2. Even when a woman is childless, her age narrows the dating pool because men tend to prefer younger women at the biological peak of their child bearing years.
  3. Women should resign themselves to having more children, even when they don’t want more, because biologically speaking, men don’t like to raise other men’s children unless they also have one of their own.
  4. Men as hunters, prefer being the breadwinners and feel threatened when their wife makes more which can cause marital problems (totally hypocritical since my mom was the breadwinner in their marriage).
  5. Divorce rates are astronomical, and with all the online dating apps around, men have greater opportunities to stray (ummmm….what about women? Don’t they have the same opportunities to stray?)

Sorry dad, I love you, but this patriarchal thought process does nothing for women empowerment, nor speaks to the modern woman.

How about this: A stable, loving relationship with a man is a NICE TO HAVE and not necessary for my well-being, drive or sense of accomplishment. I’d rather take my time, even if it means it will take years, than settle for a man less than what I deserve. The “old maid” and “cat lady” stereotypes no longer apply when you know who you are, what you want and how to get it.

Ladies, never let this type of silly rhetoric scare you from finding the right guy or settling with a jerk off just so you have a pretty ring on your finger.

If my mother had anything to say about it, who held out and married at 34, she’d tell him it’s hogwash.

Right on mom.