Thank You For Picking Up The Slack- But I Still Can’t Stand You

Daycare drama again. Andrew had a slight fever and my sitter called for me to get off work and pick him up. Ahhhh the plights of the single working momma.

I couldn’t possibly leave my meeting that exact second, so I emailed my ex’s mother. My ex picked up Andrew within the hour.

For the first time in over a year, I am so GRATEFUL for his help.

Thank you, seriously.

zazzle.com

zazzle.com

And I still can’t stand looking at your face :-).

P.S. Andrew’s “fever” temperature was completely normal when he got home.

#daycare, #rip-off, #insearchofnewdaycare

Runner Up Worse Thing About Parenting….

…fishing out toddler poop from the bathtub.

I should have saw it coming as Andrew scrunched his little face and passed gas with gusto, loud enough to remind me of my grandfather when he fell asleep in front of the TV. I was running around before bath time, lifting the diaper just enough to see if the other shoe was dropping/had dropped.

It was late. I was tired. The poop wasn’t coming.

So I ushered Andrew into the bathtub per usual, letting him splash and spit water like a squirt gun. And then it happened. Fast and furious, Andrew made his face and grunted loud.

“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,” I said (yes, in slow-mo).

I picked up Andrew from the water, dripping above the tub. But I was too late. Small presents floated to the top and then bobbed in greeting.

Seriously. Disgusting.

So baby marketeers- why haven’t you made a baby tub with a net to make a parent’s job easier? Well, I guess that’s my idea, patent pending ;-P

Large-Baby-Tub-0136-        +  salmon_fishing_nets    = genius

Bad Mommy Thoughts

Every now and then I am overwhelmed with guilt over some of my “bad mommy thoughts.” My internal monologue wars with my son before I realize he’s a year old doing one-year old things. A sampling to hopefully make the blog crowd of moms know their not alone:

  • I can’t wait to drop you off at daycare OR it’s 5:00PM pick up already?
  • You’re sick, AGAIN? Ughhhhhh.
  • Go away. I want to poop in peace.
  • Stay back creature! This is mommy’s pizza.
  • Yes, bang those pots louder so that I can feel my migraine penetrate a hole through my brain.
  • Bedtime is at 7:45 tonight. Reality TV mommy time.
  • The smell of poo in the morning, great…
  • Okay, here’s everything but the kitchen sink to stop that infernal screaming.
  • Puke up on the tile not the carpet!!!!
  • What else can you break today?
  • Who am I anymore? A shell of my former self? A ghost of happiness past?

It’s okay to have these feelings once in awhile. In fact, it’s probably healthy. I love my son, I always will. But I can still bitch about the not-so-fun parental responsibilities.

In my head.

baby mess

MS clip art

“Shake It Off” Boo-Boos

My coworker, Angela and I have bonded over the plights of motherhood, especially the boo-boos her 3 year old son accumulates after rough play. As any toddler, he cries wildly and throws a tantrum after the slightest bump on the head. In the past, she’d cuddle him and kiss away his pain. Now that she has another son, 7 months old and breastfeeding, her time is strategically divided. She no longer can drop everything and kiss away those menacing bumps.

Enter Taylor’s Swift’s “Shake It Off” song.

Angela, uses this song, arms and body wiggling, to the beat to “shake off the boo boos” and says “just shake it off! shake it off!”

Not only does he shake it off, he smiles widely and repeats the lyrics, erupting in dance steps and bouncing in every direction.

#MomTriumph

Headbutting

For the last several weeks, my daycare provider has clued me into some unusual behavior. Andrew is headbutting the other kids. Not because he’s angry or mad, but because he thinks it’s funny. He sends a few of the boys into crying fits, while he stands by chuckling.

Precursor to a sadistic, psychotic personality disorder? I don’t think so.

I think Andrew is in a sensory mode, trying to communicate but with limited means. He can’t form too many words, can’t walk yet, and he doesn’t know how to play with others, let alone share.

My daycare provider keeps separating him from the group and I’m not sure that’s the best remediation, although I’m at a lost for a better alternative.

I’m hoping he grows out of this phase (if it is a phase). Socializing toddlers this young poses a myriad of challenges. They still aren’t too self-aware, have only a slight concept of right and wrong behavior and want to touch/feel everything around them. I just wish he wasn’t sensing with his forehead.

Metroparent.com says, “Typically manifesting between 18 months and 2 years old, the behavior is a way for toddlers to send a message. It should subside once they start talking at around 3 or 4.”

Any thoughts/recommendations?

Why Public Restrooms Need A Designated Diaper Changing Stall…

Everyone is guilty of using that the handicap toilet to take a dump. Or to change your kid. If you say you don’t in the comments section, I am officially calling you out! I argue it is used 90 percent of the time as the designated “dumper” or changing area when there are no changing tables or there are horribly placed changing station fold-outs for the following reasons:

1.) It’s bigger. You can really stretch out while you push. Or you can easily park your stroller while digging for baby wipes.

2.) It’s located at the end of the bathroom. You’re not sandwiched between two pissers who can hear all your grunts and plops. Or smell baby shit. Most people have enough sense to stay away from the handicap stall when they need to take a quick tinkle.

3.) It often has ample toilet paper and Febreze behind the toilet. I mean, that courtesy flush only goes so far…as well as those disposable, diaper plastic bags.

4.) It sometimes sports a changing table for the moms. No one likes changing their kid right near the sink (um hygiene much?) or near the door entrance (heavy bathroom traffic smelling baby shit. I become the instant bad guy for the ” child free” movement).

The architects of these poorly constructed bathrooms clearly do not have kids!

It’s almost 2015 and our public restrooms still look like this (if we are lucky enough to have a changing station!):

My own rendition

I get it, this is on the bottom of the architect’s list during the design phase, but if you’re innovative enough, can’t you convert the changing table into a little stall? Nothing chaps my ass more than when I go into a family restaurant and they fail to have a changing table or place the fold-out right next to the dryer. UGH. Great, my baby gets hot hair blown on his irritated bum.

Nine times out of 10 I have a stroller that also blocks bathroom traffic.

Small wins are when there’s a separate bathroom dedicated to mothers/fathers with young children. But that’s like find a needle in a haystack. You “favorite” that location in your brain like your list on Google Maps.

Am I the only one experiencing this?

The Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

1.) Woke up at 6 am to try and get a head start. Mosey into Andrew’s room to be greeted by a poop bomb EVERYWHERE. On his clothes, down his legs, on the floor and wedged in between the wall and his crib.

2.) Bathe Andrew, then shower.15 minutes behind.

3.) Andrew pile drives into a wall. Cries uproariously. Comfort him and finish getting dressed.

4.) Drop Andrew off at daycare. Daycare provider says he looks sick and feels warm. I ask her to take his temperature in front of me. She declines and sends me on my way.

5.) Arrive 15 minutes late to work.

6.) In a million meetings. No time to eat! Feeling grumpy. Botch an important assignment.

7.) Get another text from ex boyfriend. Obviously the text I DIDN’T send him the first time never went through. His text says: I was just thinking about you and really missed you and wanted to know how you’re doing.

8.) Get a call from daycare provider asking me to pick up Andrew- he now has a fever.

9.) Driving like a banshee to pick up Andrew. Work calls incessantly asking for me to make updates on slides.

10.) Get home and botch the slides again.

11.) Eat my lunch at 3:00 PM.

12.) Determine Andrew is not feverish, he’s teething.

AAARRRRGHHHHH.

4 Other Things For When It Sucks Being A Single Mother…

Yesterday I posted how much it BLOWS to be sick and a single mom (re: When It Sucks Being A Single Mother…). And yet there are at least 4 other things made easier if you have a helpful hubby.

4 Other Things For When It Sucks Being A Single Mother… 1.) Walking the dog in the winter– If it weren’t for climate change, walking the dog in -20 would be that much crueler. Thrown in a toddler swaddled in four layers of clothes and two blankets, a stroller, toys, and snacks. Add projectiles every five steps in the form of toys or bottles. When the dog is finally finished twenty minutes later, you have the treat of carrying the poop bag, pushing the stroller and navigating the leash and nose of an ADHD-GPS tracker.

walking

2.) Unloading the groceries in an apartment complex– Nothing is worse than getting home from Costco and realizing the job is only 75% complete. It’s now a battle of the wits as to how many bulk items will fit into the undercarriage of a stroller all at once. Answer: Not many. After 4-5 stroller trips with the baby in tow, the other 25% is figuring out how to reorganize the kitchen.

grocery unload

3.) Toy assembly– Okay, I could ask my dad to help me with this. But NO! my inner Rosie the Riveter scoffs the idea. You Can Do It! And I do, but not very well…

you-can-do-it

4.) Getting date-ready– Nothing is sexier than your shortest LBD with a cracked coating of baby drool. I don’t care how many hours you’re able to coordinate your outfit, makeup, hair, and purse, there is always a Gerber’s puff cereal remnant in your hair or down your bra.

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