He Wants His New Girlfriend to do Visitation Drop-Offs

My son’s escort recently floated the idea that once the protective order has expired, my ex would prefer that his girlfriend do visitation drop offs. I was stunned, so I asked why. The response I got was “He doesn’t feel ready to see and interact with you yet.”

As you can image, I wasn’t too thrilled. I don’t know this woman, nor do I know if she is just another flavor of the week. My worse nightmare is that a string of women might be doing this chore, and my poor son will be confused.

Going to court over this new development would be a waste of time and money. A judge might view my request as petty and jealous. So, I’m sort of stuck.

Does anyone have advice? Have you been in this situation before? How have you handled it?

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Why Does He Do That?

For those who are undergoing a divorce or bitter custody dispute with an abusive ex-partner, or thinking about leaving him, I really recommend you read Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. She acknowledges that many abusive ex-partners can be women, but in her studies, the abusers are overwhelmingly male.

Some of her most salient points on the tactics abuser’s use to manipulate and control during post-separation and visitation include (paraphrased):

  • Pumping for information about the mother’s life, especially about new partners.
  • Returning children dirty, unfed or sleep-deprived.
  • Discussing the possibility of the children living with him instead, even though he doesn’t have the means or time to support the children or the change is unfounded.
  • Continuing to drive relationship wedges with unnecessary conflict.
  • Undermining her authority by making his house a place where there are no rules or limits so that the children chafe against the normal discipline of the mother’s home when they return.
  • Threatening to take the children away.
  • Seeking unfounded or unreasonable modification to existing custody or visitation orders.
  • Insisting on visitation, only to leave the child in the care of another family member, friend or partner.

why does he do thatI really recommend this book. It has a rich account of her case studies and burrows deep into the different forms of abuse/abusive types and deconstructs how they tick. It’s worth the money, as I still use it as reference and a refresher from time-to-time. It has really been a source of strength for me during the last two years.

Knowledge is power.

Annoyances From The Weekend

As I pick up Andrew from his father’s house, the escort, a family friend says:

“SH (ex) said he received an email from the doctor that Andrew needs his one-year appointment scheduled. He missed it.”

I don’t get emails from the doctor because Andrew is on my ex’s insurance. Despite my best efforts, they never send me ANYTHING. I do the copay. I deliver the medication. I must schedule the appointments. I go to all the appointments.

Can’t he take him at least ONCE? Co-parent we don’t.

annoyed

SH definitely failed on rising to the occasion.

Inside The Nightmare Life Of Seven “Wolfpack” Kids

There’s a new documentary I’m dying to see that just hit Sundance: The Wolfpack.

The documentary is about six boys and one girl who have never spent more than a few hours outside. EVER.

Their seemingly paranoid schizoid father (a Hare Krishna believer) has the only lock to their Manhattan apartment. Their codependent mother home schools the children and their only outlet for imagination is the over 5,000 films they watch and pre-approved books.

How is this not child neglect and abuse? Why are we just learning about these children now?

The controlling father “fears” his children will become contaminated in the outside world. It’s clear, however, they are his objects of control.

wolfpack2

If everything in this nightmarish story is true, I hope the state provides them ample help and counseling. This is no life to live.