Coming Clean

So, there is a reason why my posts have kind of fallen off the wagon. And no, it’s actually not due to moving.

I just started my own business!!!!

It’s about three weeks green, a couple sleepless nights and many “what if’s?”

I know, I know, I’m crazy.

A new mom in school every weekend and working full time + a start up = WTF.

But now that I have a better idea of where I’m going and what my company should be (a new take on the PR boutiques floating around D.C.), I want to come back to the community I love= you guys.

Seriously, I have gained so much inspiration from the blogs I follow. Everyone who has shared a little slice of their life has taught me invaluable lessons: namely, to go for it.

This will not be another blog hocking my wares. I want to keep my voice authentic and my face bitchy on here.

Happy to be back :-).

The Half-Brothers I Never Really Knew And The Power Of “No”

My half-brothers are in town visiting my dad. After I pick up Andrew, the plan is to go have dinner with the family.

A difficult question bubbled up from my mom on Friday. She wanted me to spend the weekend with everyone after my Saturday class. She asked, “Why don’t you make you dad happy and spend some time with the guys after your class?”

I had already agreed to Sunday dinner. And to be clear, I don’t really have a relationship with my half-brothers. We don’t call on each others birthdays and we never grew up together. In fact, for ten years, my brother’s were virtually estranged from my family.

Now that I am an adult and a single mother, working full time and attending graduate school, I have very FEW moments to myself. I cherish the time I do have every other weekend to take care of my soul and pursue the things that make me happy within the 48 hours twice a month- even if it is as simple as an hour at the gym and a moment to write or decompress from the week at the nail salon. Between guilt and perceived family “obligations,” I am unapologetic with “me” time. If my brothers had picked a weekend when I had Andrew, I’m sure I would be writing a very different post.

The point I’m trying to make is that mothers, single or not, who dedicate their precious free time to make others happy or comfortable are doing a disservice to themselves. Our culture encourages the ideal that once you are a mother, you must sacrifice, sacrifice and sacrifice almost all of your time for the “good” of your children. I believe quality time, not the quantity of time is what’s important.

Sometimes, we need to embrace the power of saying “No” and make our mental and emotional well-being a priority.

Sharing Is Caring: 55 Good Ideas For Blog Posts

I’m a public relations practitioner by day, mother 24/7, student of the arts on the weekends and dating app swiper by night, so I’m always on the look out for good content.

Suffering from blogger’s block? Check out this AWESOME infographic on the “Ultimate List For Blog Post Ideas” by clicking the graphic or here. Although it was created by a digital marketing firm, it holds water for personal blogging with a dash of ingenuity.

Would You Like More Eggs & Bacon With That Waffle [ing]?

There’s this big shake up happening with my group of girl friends lately. It’s the called the “waffling” man. Most of us are now newly single after quick flirtations with relationships.

The waffling man makes a great politician. He makes these large pronouncements and espouses his ideology of how things will be under his care. Cue evil laughter once he has secured your vote.

How do you know if he’s a waffle? Well, in short order (no pun intended):

1. He’s interested in immediate intimacy (3I’s).

Like that alliteration? I just made it up. It’s the old bait before the switch. It’s like a lure, bobbing above the surface, right before it ensnares you for a fresh gutting.

2. He operates like a broken faucet.

His emotional faucet only operates on two settings- scalding hot or icy cold. One minute he’s sending you selfies and cute kitty pictures to brighten up your afternoon. The next minute, he’s cold ghosting you for days.

3. He loves the “I’m busy” excuse.

Not like I’m posting from experience or anything…but when you need to vent or celebrate, his unavailability is because “I’m busy.” He uses this excuse like a well-worn pair of undies, because how can you argue “busy?” You’d be crazy to.

4. His neediness is endearing. Yours is crazy.

Women are clearly irrational. Any hint of vulnerability is a bumpy ride to the local insane asylum. Guys who express neediness are just “living in the moment” or “getting caught up in it.” Accept and learn to love these double standards- they will never change.

5. He wants to take it slow after a month of rushing to get you off dating apps.

This one is my favorite. Beware the man who excitedly wants you off the market. Chances are his profile is still active and suffering from a serious case of WOBO- Waiting On Better Opportunities. A waffler is the definition of WOBO.

Hey, now that I have my waffle, where’s that side of bacon and eggs?

How To Break-Up Like A Boss

After my birthday dinner, my best friend and I got on the topic of break-ups. By sheer happenstance, we were both undergoing simultaneous break-ups with very similar personality types- selfish and emotionally immature- older men (35+). The emotional fortitude of Shelia is something that I admire the longer I know her. She is truly unbreakable.

I’ve probably been in about 10 short and long-term relationships in my life. As I take my life’s inventory, the broken relationships I rebounded relatively quickly from involved one action and two words:

“NO CONTACT.”

Here are some tips I’ve learned on how to reduce the amount of emotional energy spent on a break-up.

How To Break-Up Like A Boss:

1. Pedicure (indulgence) + dating app (validation) = Happiness.

No matter what I’m doing, I take some mommy maintenance time right after a break-up. I schedule it as soon as I have a free moment and allow myself to be pampered. I also remind myself that I am still desirable and have plenty of prospects by perusing my dating app visitors and messages. It’s okay to feel a little vulnerable right now.

2. Clean house.

I mean this figuratively of course. No one likes to fucking clean their house. I go through my text messages and delete the ex’s sweet nothings and mean ramblings. I delete his messages and block him from the dating app. I also permanently delete his number from my phone. There will be no desperate texts from this chick at 1:00 a.m.!

3. Exercise!

The best revenge is living well. Feeling fit and getting a nice rush of endorphins to improve your mood is invaluable.

4. Getting lost in the moment.

For me it’s writing and reading. For others it might be gardening or home improvement. Getting lost in activities that nurture the mind and body is how you let go of fear and loss.

5. NO CONTACT.

No matter what he/she says, it’s broken. It won’t be fixed. It’s probably not worth saving. Don’t. Respond.

6. Letting go.

The most important tip. Only you have control of how you respond or don’t respond to your break up. Good relationships should be effortless. Spending time trying to fix the same issues is energy better channeled elsewhere. Take a deep breath. Succumb to what isn’t and what will never be. Stop over thinking. Let go. Move on.

5 Life Lessons From Judge Judy

I’m a BIG fan of Judge Judy Scheindlin. She holds everyone accountable for their actions and while others may waffle, she’s black and white on issues. Furthermore, no one gets away with their dumbass explanations and she’s not afraid to expose the fool. We should all take a page from her book, even if our delivery is a bit…nicer…

Lessons I’ve Learned From Judge Judy:

1. Don’t rest on your laurels or beauty. Get educated!

http://www.aol.com/article/2015/04/24/why-judge-judy-wears-a-lace-collar-in-the-courtroom/21176061/?icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl9|sec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D-1583432631

aol.com

http://www.aol.com/article/2015/04/24/why-judge-judy-wears-a-lace-collar-in-the-courtroom/21176061/?icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl9|sec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D-1583432631

aol.com

2. Do I look like I was born yesterday? If it sounds and smells like shit, it’s shit, so don’t bury your head in it.

knowyourmeme.com

knowyourmeme.com

3. Are you listening or just waiting for your turn to talk? If you’re just waiting to talk, you’re probably going to sound like an idiot.

pinterest.com

pinterest.com

4. Liars are easy to spot.

judgejudyfan.com

judgejudyfan.com

5. Laugh at fools.

collegecandy.com

collegecandy.com

Kimberly Allers Forgives Almost $40K in Child Support: I Have One Huge Problem With Her Argument!

New York Times Photo Credit

New York Times Photo Credit

For all interested in the issue of child support, I recommend reading this article the New York Times showcased “Forgiving $38,750 in Child Support, for My Kids’ Sake.”

There are many things that I agree and disagree with Ms. Aller’s article.

Things I Agree With:

  • “We have too often reduced nonresidential fathers to being weighed and judged by a financial transaction. If you don’t pay, you’re a “dead beat.” End of one story, beginning of a new one, one that can mean suspended drivers’ licenses and professional licenses, seized bank deposits and tax refunds, and the very real risk of jail time.” I agree that financial support is one facet of the value of fathers, however the law does not deal in subjectivity and intangibles. This is a weakness of the legal system and social services.
  • “Studies prove that school-age children of involved fathers have better academic success, higher grade point averages and go on to have higher levels of economic and educational achievement. We focus on money, when “child support” also means emotional support, academic support and the supportive power of a male influence in a child’s life. Negating that value is dangerous to our children. Regardless of what I think of him, my children love their father and doing my part to keep that feeling alive is priceless to me.” Again, I agree with this premise. Children do far better when they feel love and spend time with both parents. Plenty of visitation time between fathers and their children should be the norm, not the exception. Parents who engage in parental alienation by trying to circumvent visitation should be punished harshly.
  • “In the seven years since my divorce, my ex-husband (or “wasband” as I like to call him) has always given our children his time, whether he had money or not. He currently makes payments to me directly when he is able.”  I think that’s great, however this woman should have established a parenting plan with a low, base amount with direct payment to the mother and allowed the judge to sign it, rather than getting Child Support Enforcement (CSE) involved. CSE only gets involved when you submit a case. In many states, this is a viable option.

Things I Disagree With:

  • “I’m financially stable now. I’m lucky to be able to forgive the arrears, but it is money I would likely never see anyway. Hanging onto that debt is like hanging onto other things that went wrong for us, and it gets in the way of what’s best for our children. It will have been three hours and $38,750 well spent.” This is the crux of my disagreement in Ms. Aller’s argument: that this woman is “lucky to be able to forgive arrears, but it is money I would likely never see anyway.” This money DOES NOT BELONG TO THE HER. By definition, child support is for the children, where the custodial parent acts as a responsible party to help pay for things that are in the best interest of the child. The woman who writes this article fails to realize that her spouse bilked almost $40,000 from his child, not his ex wife. That’s a pretty nice chunk of change that could go to a college education.

All other arguments were mostly concrete until I read that the judge actually agreed to forgiving her child’s much needed support. The decision is for her to make as the responsible party, however I don’t think she acted in the best interest of her child, even though her intentions sound honorable. She misunderstood the entire premise of child support- better named “the child’s support.”

I don’t believe criminalizing men who are unable to pay versus unwilling to pay is the answer, however the law deals with compliance and fairness, not emotions, for a reason. Asking the judge if they could create a parenting plan that includes setting a low amount for a college trust fund would have been a better, more responsible answer to this divisive issue.

At the end of the day, child support is the CHILD’S SUPPORT and not the parent’s support. When we acknowledge and educate individuals on the difference, I hope our legal and social services will create more supportive services to custodial and noncustodial parents to favor parenting plans over Child Support Enforcement and legal battles, provided an amicable divorce/child custody arrangement.

I previously wrote about this topic here: Recalibrating The Term “Child Custody Battle”:Lessons And Tips I’ve Learned

Bad Habit #345: I Overreact

I can’t help it. I mean I can, if I work on it, but the impulse is so hard to control.

I’d like to say that I am an impassioned person to justify my impulse to react, but that’s not fair.

memecreator.com

memecreator.org

I got into it with the new boyfriend over a topic near and dear to my heart- using contraceptives. I’m for, he’s against. Regardless of where you stand on the issue, I did get mad at his stubbornness and failure to see why my point of view (i.e. my accidental mom status has forever shaped my perceptions) makes me a little bit of a tyrant on the issue.

I kind of became a bit of a drama queen. I need to check that. It’s a new relationship, so I need to temper my expectations.

What Are Your Top Posts?

I believe in a little self improvement and agonize over my traffic- the posts that were read, but not commented; the posts that had more comments than readers; the old posts that warrant more revisits; and etc.

Help a girl out and post in the comments section what your top blog posts were. I’d love to see what types of content people are REALLY interested in reading.

Thanks!

Single Dad Uses His Car To Advertise For A Girlfriend- Cute Or Creepy?

From Yahoo:

A single father who has had no luck with online dating is taking a new approach: posting a personal ad on the side of his pick-up truck.

Robin Thomas, a father of three in Arkansas, has been spotted driving around town with a sign on this car door that reads: “Looking for a date? Would you date a single father?” The sign lists a phone number and only one requirement: “Ages 21 & Up.”

single dad2So- cute or creepy?