Online Dating Troll Of The Week

So, yes I’m a single mom, but oddly enough I have more dating opportunities than I did pre-baby thanks to the glorious inter-webs. I guess when you’re busy–I dunno, raising a kid and living life?–and unavailable, this is catnip to the dregs of online daters.

The categorized compilation of messages (re: Online Dating Trolls Of The Week) are my creation to protect the innocent (and not so innocent). I’ve replaced photos with humorous stock imagery and augmented usernames, however, rest assured, the messages are very real and VERBATIM.

Hopefully you will enjoy all the creepy, weird, silly, idiotic, chauvinistic, or hapless daters this side of the world has to offer.

Some terms I use frequently:

  • Alpha or alpha male– a man who uses tactics that are intended to inspire “mystery” and “attraction,” but are chauvinistic and misogynistic. Often alphas “take the lead” on the premise that women are simpletons without sexual morality and who will fall for guys that embody macho ideals. They are slightly more subtle and sophisticated than PUAs or Pick-Up Artists because they don’t use silly pick-up lines and covertly manipulate their unfortunate victim’s emotions by gas-lighting relentlessly. For the older generation, they are the “love ’em and leave ’em” types with a hint of sadism.
    • Example: I’ll lift this one from my ex who sent this opening line that I fell for hook-line-and-sinker, “I have a reservation for two at XYZ restaurant at 7 on Friday. Should I pick you up at 6 or 6:30?”
  • PUA or Pick-Up Artist– similar to the alpha and usually a “red pill” community follower (Google it) or reader of The Game by Neil Strauss, they use more deceptive tactics to sleep with their victims for the sole purpose of adding a notch on their tattered belts. Not only do they love and leave after an intimate encounter, they are highly self-involved and need a constant stream of narcissistic supply. His go-to is “negging” or using negative comments to lower self-esteem to (erroneously) attract his victim.
    • Example: An online dating message that reads, “Seriously, stop messaging me so much! You really don’t need to stalk my profile for me to notice you!” when you haven’t sent one flirt, like, or acknowledgement.
  • Online Dating Troll– sometimes a mash-up of the aforementioned Alpha or PUA, they lurk within the online dating community, posting pictures of their body parts and or sending sexual messages for a quick fling. They use the winky face in place of punctuation, grammar or as a “polite” greeting. Many times they blast the same exact message (maybe with a tweak or two) to a gaggle of girls in the hopes that they’ll snag at least 1 response out of 29 ignores.
    • Example: An online dating message that reads, “Hey 😉 My name is Josh. I came across your profile and thought your pics were super sexy 😉 Take a look at my photos and tell me if you like what you see ;-)”

No, I’m not bitter. I’m still dating, aren’t I?

4 thoughts on “Online Dating Troll Of The Week

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