He Wants His New Girlfriend to do Visitation Drop-Offs

My son’s escort recently floated the idea that once the protective order has expired, my ex would prefer that his girlfriend do visitation drop offs. I was stunned, so I asked why. The response I got was “He doesn’t feel ready to see and interact with you yet.”

As you can image, I wasn’t too thrilled. I don’t know this woman, nor do I know if she is just another flavor of the week. My worse nightmare is that a string of women might be doing this chore, and my poor son will be confused.

Going to court over this new development would be a waste of time and money. A judge might view my request as petty and jealous. So, I’m sort of stuck.

Does anyone have advice? Have you been in this situation before? How have you handled it?

My Dad’s (Not So) Helpful, Stone Aged Dating Advice

Copyright 2015 Mumz the Word...

Copyright 2015 Mumz the Word…

During my weekly chat with my father, we somehow broached the topic of dating in this day-in-age. His “wisdom” never ceases to amaze me. He reminded me that I was nearing 30 and that studies show that the longer-in-the-tooth women are, combined with higher education, a career and a little one, the dating pool is narrowing by the day.

He offered some fun, little tid bits of “advice” cloaked in pseudo-scientific research:

  1. Studies show fewer men prefer marrying women with higher degrees and careers, much less women with higher degrees, careers AND a child from a previous relationship.
  2. Even when a woman is childless, her age narrows the dating pool because men tend to prefer younger women at the biological peak of their child bearing years.
  3. Women should resign themselves to having more children, even when they don’t want more, because biologically speaking, men don’t like to raise other men’s children unless they also have one of their own.
  4. Men as hunters, prefer being the breadwinners and feel threatened when their wife makes more which can cause marital problems (totally hypocritical since my mom was the breadwinner in their marriage).
  5. Divorce rates are astronomical, and with all the online dating apps around, men have greater opportunities to stray (ummmm….what about women? Don’t they have the same opportunities to stray?)

Sorry dad, I love you, but this patriarchal thought process does nothing for women empowerment, nor speaks to the modern woman.

How about this: A stable, loving relationship with a man is a NICE TO HAVE and not necessary for my well-being, drive or sense of accomplishment. I’d rather take my time, even if it means it will take years, than settle for a man less than what I deserve. The “old maid” and “cat lady” stereotypes no longer apply when you know who you are, what you want and how to get it.

Ladies, never let this type of silly rhetoric scare you from finding the right guy or settling with a jerk off just so you have a pretty ring on your finger.

If my mother had anything to say about it, who held out and married at 34, she’d tell him it’s hogwash.

Right on mom.

Drink That Cool-Aid Baby! Outcome Independence Last Word

I believe that if you can’t take your own advice, better that you don’t give any at all. If your curious as to what outcome independence is, you can back-track here.

So without further adieu, here’s the cool-aid (I’m the blue bubble):

Eric OK1Eric OK 2

Before you cry foul over my “game” playing, I did make plans for dinner with a friend of mine on Thursday. Although he intimated that he was too busy to make concrete plans, he must have forgotten that I can see when he checks out my online dating profile- which he proceeded to do every morning for three days straight.

Dating Troll or Dating Clueless? You decide.

Sharing Is Caring: 55 Good Ideas For Blog Posts

I’m a public relations practitioner by day, mother 24/7, student of the arts on the weekends and dating app swiper by night, so I’m always on the look out for good content.

Suffering from blogger’s block? Check out this AWESOME infographic on the “Ultimate List For Blog Post Ideas” by clicking the graphic or here. Although it was created by a digital marketing firm, it holds water for personal blogging with a dash of ingenuity.

A New Day and A New Date

I believe that what you push out to the universe is what you get back- a kind of, “you reap what you sow,” mentality.

Tomorrow I have a rebound date. No, no, no, I’m not talking about anything NSFW. Once you get off the dating path, the best idea is to get back on the horse.

How many cliches do you think I can squeeze out of a rock today?

So, in that same vein, I’m going on a date with a guy who is VERY funny, but definitely someone who won’t go the long haul. All I’m looking for right now is a couple of laughs over a brew and glass of wine. Nothing more and nothing less.

So, wish me luck that it’s not a complete wash or dating dud.

P.S. I counted 7 cliches. I’m on a roll! Oops that’s eight…

How To Break-Up Like A Boss

After my birthday dinner, my best friend and I got on the topic of break-ups. By sheer happenstance, we were both undergoing simultaneous break-ups with very similar personality types- selfish and emotionally immature- older men (35+). The emotional fortitude of Shelia is something that I admire the longer I know her. She is truly unbreakable.

I’ve probably been in about 10 short and long-term relationships in my life. As I take my life’s inventory, the broken relationships I rebounded relatively quickly from involved one action and two words:

“NO CONTACT.”

Here are some tips I’ve learned on how to reduce the amount of emotional energy spent on a break-up.

How To Break-Up Like A Boss:

1. Pedicure (indulgence) + dating app (validation) = Happiness.

No matter what I’m doing, I take some mommy maintenance time right after a break-up. I schedule it as soon as I have a free moment and allow myself to be pampered. I also remind myself that I am still desirable and have plenty of prospects by perusing my dating app visitors and messages. It’s okay to feel a little vulnerable right now.

2. Clean house.

I mean this figuratively of course. No one likes to fucking clean their house. I go through my text messages and delete the ex’s sweet nothings and mean ramblings. I delete his messages and block him from the dating app. I also permanently delete his number from my phone. There will be no desperate texts from this chick at 1:00 a.m.!

3. Exercise!

The best revenge is living well. Feeling fit and getting a nice rush of endorphins to improve your mood is invaluable.

4. Getting lost in the moment.

For me it’s writing and reading. For others it might be gardening or home improvement. Getting lost in activities that nurture the mind and body is how you let go of fear and loss.

5. NO CONTACT.

No matter what he/she says, it’s broken. It won’t be fixed. It’s probably not worth saving. Don’t. Respond.

6. Letting go.

The most important tip. Only you have control of how you respond or don’t respond to your break up. Good relationships should be effortless. Spending time trying to fix the same issues is energy better channeled elsewhere. Take a deep breath. Succumb to what isn’t and what will never be. Stop over thinking. Let go. Move on.

What Are Your Top Posts?

I believe in a little self improvement and agonize over my traffic- the posts that were read, but not commented; the posts that had more comments than readers; the old posts that warrant more revisits; and etc.

Help a girl out and post in the comments section what your top blog posts were. I’d love to see what types of content people are REALLY interested in reading.

Thanks!

Single Dad Uses His Car To Advertise For A Girlfriend- Cute Or Creepy?

From Yahoo:

A single father who has had no luck with online dating is taking a new approach: posting a personal ad on the side of his pick-up truck.

Robin Thomas, a father of three in Arkansas, has been spotted driving around town with a sign on this car door that reads: “Looking for a date? Would you date a single father?” The sign lists a phone number and only one requirement: “Ages 21 & Up.”

single dad2So- cute or creepy?

Bad Mommy Thoughts

Every now and then I am overwhelmed with guilt over some of my “bad mommy thoughts.” My internal monologue wars with my son before I realize he’s a year old doing one-year old things. A sampling to hopefully make the blog crowd of moms know their not alone:

  • I can’t wait to drop you off at daycare OR it’s 5:00PM pick up already?
  • You’re sick, AGAIN? Ughhhhhh.
  • Go away. I want to poop in peace.
  • Stay back creature! This is mommy’s pizza.
  • Yes, bang those pots louder so that I can feel my migraine penetrate a hole through my brain.
  • Bedtime is at 7:45 tonight. Reality TV mommy time.
  • The smell of poo in the morning, great…
  • Okay, here’s everything but the kitchen sink to stop that infernal screaming.
  • Puke up on the tile not the carpet!!!!
  • What else can you break today?
  • Who am I anymore? A shell of my former self? A ghost of happiness past?

It’s okay to have these feelings once in awhile. In fact, it’s probably healthy. I love my son, I always will. But I can still bitch about the not-so-fun parental responsibilities.

In my head.

baby mess

MS clip art

“Shake It Off” Boo-Boos

My coworker, Angela and I have bonded over the plights of motherhood, especially the boo-boos her 3 year old son accumulates after rough play. As any toddler, he cries wildly and throws a tantrum after the slightest bump on the head. In the past, she’d cuddle him and kiss away his pain. Now that she has another son, 7 months old and breastfeeding, her time is strategically divided. She no longer can drop everything and kiss away those menacing bumps.

Enter Taylor’s Swift’s “Shake It Off” song.

Angela, uses this song, arms and body wiggling, to the beat to “shake off the boo boos” and says “just shake it off! shake it off!”

Not only does he shake it off, he smiles widely and repeats the lyrics, erupting in dance steps and bouncing in every direction.

#MomTriumph