Who’s The Flake?

I’ve been seeing a guy I used to date four years ago. Let’s call him Repeat. I broke up with Repeatrepeat in 2011 because I couldn’t see anything long term. We literally had only one thing in common *wink*. He loves watching sports- I’d rather have a root canal. He loves to travel- the idea of jet setting 24/7 makes me queasy. I like to read, write and express myself- he hasn’t read a book since it was mandatory in college.

The point is, we both agreed we’ll never be serious. Quite frankly, I have no time to have anything other than fun until I graduate my masters program.

Last weekend, we had a good time at a wine bar, which led to the inevitable. Repeat promptly asked for a follow-up date for this weekend. I agreed. He had to babysit his brother’s kids on Saturday night, so I offered to come over with board games and keep him company after the kiddos scampered off to bed.

So, last Friday came and went. No text or phone call. That’s okay, I reasoned. We already had plans, right? Saturday in class, not one text to confirm plans. So, I did what I almost never do- tried to confirm via text. He skirted the issue and mentioned he was at a baseball game that would end at 10pm.

To me, that sounded like a flake move. I resolved to make other plans with friends. At 11pm, I received this message:

“Hey, I finished up a little late here. Still down to come over?”

Doesn’t that sound like a booty call? It did to me, so I didn’t respond.

So, my fellow bloggers- Who’s the flake?

If Hugh Jackman Was A Lawyer…

Garry was very tall (he didn’t lie) leaning against the entrance of Firehouse bar. He was playing with his phone, probably texting me directions. My phone had died and I was in Northeast D.C. pretty close to lost. But there he was. I got this tingly feeling. I get it when I see an attractive man I’m about to go on a date with.

He looked like Hugh Jackman, he sounded like Hugh Jackman, but alas, his personality was not that of Hugh Jackman. It was of a stereotypical, Hollywood lawyer: dry and boorish. Now, don’t get me wrong- my mom is a lawyer and she an animated woman. But this guy…typical.

It was all so inconsistent. We had perfectly fun, witty banter online and via text message, but in person, he was kind of a drag.

So I pressed on, drank on, and tried to entertain myself…talking to myself. His pothead roommate stopped by mid-date and chatted us up a bit (?). Even he had more personality in those brief few minutes.

The times he did talk, it was about his insatiable wanderlust mentality. He didn’t expect to live in D.C. more than two years. Great! That’s exactly what’s going to score you points in the D.C. dating scene.

The date didn’t last long. I was out of there by 11:30 p.m. and grateful. I got a few texts the next day (YouTube links to the kind of music he likes). I was nice but not too interested.

Hugh Jackman was a HUGE disappointment.

A New Day and A New Date

I believe that what you push out to the universe is what you get back- a kind of, “you reap what you sow,” mentality.

Tomorrow I have a rebound date. No, no, no, I’m not talking about anything NSFW. Once you get off the dating path, the best idea is to get back on the horse.

How many cliches do you think I can squeeze out of a rock today?

So, in that same vein, I’m going on a date with a guy who is VERY funny, but definitely someone who won’t go the long haul. All I’m looking for right now is a couple of laughs over a brew and glass of wine. Nothing more and nothing less.

So, wish me luck that it’s not a complete wash or dating dud.

P.S. I counted 7 cliches. I’m on a roll! Oops that’s eight…

Would You Like More Eggs & Bacon With That Waffle [ing]?

There’s this big shake up happening with my group of girl friends lately. It’s the called the “waffling” man. Most of us are now newly single after quick flirtations with relationships.

The waffling man makes a great politician. He makes these large pronouncements and espouses his ideology of how things will be under his care. Cue evil laughter once he has secured your vote.

How do you know if he’s a waffle? Well, in short order (no pun intended):

1. He’s interested in immediate intimacy (3I’s).

Like that alliteration? I just made it up. It’s the old bait before the switch. It’s like a lure, bobbing above the surface, right before it ensnares you for a fresh gutting.

2. He operates like a broken faucet.

His emotional faucet only operates on two settings- scalding hot or icy cold. One minute he’s sending you selfies and cute kitty pictures to brighten up your afternoon. The next minute, he’s cold ghosting you for days.

3. He loves the “I’m busy” excuse.

Not like I’m posting from experience or anything…but when you need to vent or celebrate, his unavailability is because “I’m busy.” He uses this excuse like a well-worn pair of undies, because how can you argue “busy?” You’d be crazy to.

4. His neediness is endearing. Yours is crazy.

Women are clearly irrational. Any hint of vulnerability is a bumpy ride to the local insane asylum. Guys who express neediness are just “living in the moment” or “getting caught up in it.” Accept and learn to love these double standards- they will never change.

5. He wants to take it slow after a month of rushing to get you off dating apps.

This one is my favorite. Beware the man who excitedly wants you off the market. Chances are his profile is still active and suffering from a serious case of WOBO- Waiting On Better Opportunities. A waffler is the definition of WOBO.

Hey, now that I have my waffle, where’s that side of bacon and eggs?

Single Dad Uses His Car To Advertise For A Girlfriend- Cute Or Creepy?

From Yahoo:

A single father who has had no luck with online dating is taking a new approach: posting a personal ad on the side of his pick-up truck.

Robin Thomas, a father of three in Arkansas, has been spotted driving around town with a sign on this car door that reads: “Looking for a date? Would you date a single father?” The sign lists a phone number and only one requirement: “Ages 21 & Up.”

single dad2So- cute or creepy?

You’ve Just Been Ghosted…

GhostI am one of the worse offenders when it comes to ghosting. Usually, if I don’t really respect my date, I will just drop off. If I don’t feel the connection but the guy was a real sweetheart, I will send him a quick text saying “it’s me, not you.”

Argh, as I write this I’m cringing. Going ghost is so cowardly. But if I’m being honest, I do it and I need to be better about it. Recently, I’ve learned a valuable lesson of how ghosting someone can keep you from being with someone special.

The first date with Hipster was almost too good to be true. I saw a few potential red flags and as an alarmist with men these days, I ghosted him for several days. He was just so OPEN about his life that I wasn’t used to the constant stream of interest, honesty and attention.

Well he picked up on my non response and kept quiet. On our second date (which was better than the first!) he called me out.

“You totally went ghost on me,” he said in between glasses of wine.

“I know…” I said, embarrassed.

I had no reason to ghost a guy that I REALLY liked. In an age where communicating instantly is king, why do we feel pressured to play these digital games?

On Being a Single Mom

A wonderfully real letter about being a single parent!

5kidsandafarm

Today I feel like I need to focus on the intricacies of being a single mom. I am a single mom of 5. Whether your’e a single mom of 4, single mom of 3, single mom of 2, single mom of 1, or single mom of some other number not listed here… I can relate to just about every emotion you’re feeling.

Before I was divorced, my husband and I were separated for 3 years. THREE YEARS! Crazy, right. I kept hoping and praying things would come back together for us. I prayed, I cried, I went to marriage counseling (alone), I did everything I could do. It was all an illusion. When I finally filed for divorce, he drug his feet to make it even more difficult. He wanted me to be miserable. He wanted me to stay in the marriage and be miserable, even though he wanted other…

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Out And About With The Hot Hipster Circa 1997

I was fifteen minutes late. The Uber driver was creeping on back roads at 10 miles per hour. The Hipster was waiting outside of the bar in his parking space. I had waited all week to wear my cute new mid-drift shirt with a long, body-hugging skirt and laced-up black pumps.

He saw me and walked across the highway wearing a dress jacket, T-shirt, thick black framed glasses and a scarf with yesterday’s gruff. He was the perfect display of San- Fran hippie and I loved his style.

He greeted me pleasantly with a hug and a quick “Nice to meet you.”

“Have you been waiting long?” I asked. I hate keeping people waiting.

“Only since 4:00 p.m.,” he joked. “I like to get a head start.”

We found a place at the bar and immediately I was struck by how gorgeous he was. His pictures definitely didn’t do him justice.

“So did I catfish you?” I asked. Our text messages that week were about his catfish experiences and since it’s hard to find me online, he was worried about a repeat.

“No,” he said. “You are absolutely stunning.”

I liked him instantly.

I was besotted by his intensely passionate energy. He was a smooth talker for sure, but not in a creepy, player kind of way. His eyes were authentic. His hand movements and gestures were excited.

We drank at the bar until I spied an open table and he pounced on it. To be honest, I wanted to have some space between us so he wouldn’t keep touching my leg- too intimate and sexual for a first meeting.

I always like to swap stories about online dating horrors- they’re always good ice breakers. He regaled me in his recent catfish story about a date with a women who was ten years older than her profile stated and with an ass the size of a “table.”

The Hipster kept asking me “what’s my story?” meaning he wanted the details of my ex-fiancee and so called “baby daddy.” I wasn’t too keen on getting into the particulars- it sounds crazy when I tell it aloud and it’s not really first date material. He backed off but told me he was divorced two years, co-parents well with his ex and is a very hands-on dad. He owns a catering company that allows him to work the hours he wants and spend ample time with his kid. I found it very refreshing. He’s also somewhat of a relator maverick, working his way to getting his real estate license and dabbling in selling property.

However, there were some potential red flags:

  • He lives with a female roommate in a six bedroom home who once tried to date him (He swore he never slept with her, however I’m not so sure…)
  • He seems to have few boundaries with his ex (they’re best friends…could she be the jealous type? We’ll see).
  • He is a bit materialistic. He kept talking about his passion to manifest wealth and interest in personal style and having nice things. I’m not really of that mindset. I think modesty and balance is best.
  • He’s somewhat of a cross between conservative and libertarian. I’m a moderate liberal, so we will probably disagree about most things political.
  • He was exceptionally forthcoming about his manic-depressive traits. My ex is borderline, possibly anti-social and it was hell, so I date The Hipster with hesitation.

The night ended with him driving me home. I wouldn’t let him come up because I knew we might sleep together and that’s really not in my best interest right now. I’m not looking to hit-it-and-quit-it at this juncture in my life. But we did sit in his car for an hour just kissing, which was a nice departure for me because I’m not much of a make-out chick. He was an EXCELLENT kisser.

We have plans for lunch later this week since I have no free time for the ten days. Updates to come…

#OSHITBRITT Interviews Me – Mother The World: Finding Your Little Village

I am so humbled that a writer, blogger and fellow feminist took the time to interview me!

OSHITBRITT’s Blog

And check out these resources to help “find your little village.”
http://meetup.com
http://www.singleparentadvocate.org/

Who is #OSHITBRITT?
I am a writer, feminist, and college dropout. I am passionate about the things I do and I do the things I am passionate about (and not much else).